well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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