lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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