I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
