just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
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I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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