Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
