Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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