NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
