When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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