He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
