There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
