So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
