We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
