Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize