Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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