Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
