we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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