So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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