he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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