i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
