My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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