I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
