Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
