Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
