i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
