You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
