a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
