This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
