I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
