Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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