just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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