Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
