Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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