I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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