My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
