Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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