This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
