we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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