so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
