when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I have demons in me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
