your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
