Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
