Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
