I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
