I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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