When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
