i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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