It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
