yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
a search helicopter?!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
