and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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