Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
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My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
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Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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