I wanna passion pit in your ass
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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