Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
