i think my mom watched the whole time
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
