oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize