well I can't set my house on fire every night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
