Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
