they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
