she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
this is an emotional support booty call
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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