my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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