hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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