you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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