i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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